But I'm J

After all, wouldn't you be pleased that your child was happy to play with someone else other than you?

If they cooed and gurgled in response to someone else's voice?

If a smile as wide as the vast ocean opened up when they saw someone else?

If it was the same person in all the above cases?

The person who will have primary care for your child once you go back to work.

But no. The contrary woman that I have become, it means that I am jealous. There I've said it. I AM JEALOUS. Of my maid :((.

Now it's not that Squiggles spends all the time with her. Usually it's a couple of hours in the day when I go to the gym or if I have some errands to run which would be much faster accomplished if I left her behind. Plus, I think overall she's a clingy child (I told you I was confused) so I consciously want her to be comfortable with people other than me. But the problem is that she's not comfortable with people, just ONE other person.

And it's not as if she prefers my maid over me. If she sees me, she starts clamouring for me. It's just that whenever we're playing together or just chilling out and she spies her, she breaks out into a grin, calls out to her etc. Which is great, isn't it? It's almost as if I want Squiggles to give me all her attention when it is convenient for me to play with her (I know that I am very childish and immature) but also to happily go to someone else when I have other things to sort out but still kind of want me even though I'm busy.

To give credit to my maid, she is super with kids. She has 2 of her own and has a wonderful way with children. Ever since Squiggles was a few days old and in the height of her colicky state, she would manage to calm her down where my mom or I would fail. She keeps advising me on how to handle her. If I'm being reasonable I will listen to her and what she says usually works. So I ask you, shouldn't I be happy??? And I AM. But I'm also J.

*starts beating her head against the screen*

Now I really don't want Squiggles to stop liking her. Honest. Because that would make life verrrry difficult. As I said she's clingy and if the only other person she goes to suddenly falls out of favour, then I've had it. So I don't want this state of affair to stop. But I'm J.

*starts smashing her head against the screen*

I want the sane woman who used to live inside my head back. Pleeeeeasssse come back. Please.

Does anyone know a psychiatrist? A good one.