Friday, October 26, 2007

I am sooooo petty and foolish

A friend asked me on orkut, "So, are you looking forward to your Delhi trip?". This was my response. It was so long that I had to email it :) and here it is, unedited except to anonymise it.


As I was saying I'm looking forward to my delhi trip but I am a little apprehensive. For several reasons.
1. I'm going to be there for almost 6 weeks and it's the first time I will be staying with my in laws for that long.
2. I've never stayed there without DD so it will be a bit weird. But the good thing is I will have Squiggles which should save me from getting too bored :)
3. Veggies south indian... sigh. at least if there was paneer in the diet then that would keep me reasonably happy. Since I can't eat dal because I am feeding Squiggles that should play into my hands though. ALL south indian food has daal.... This is my trump card.
4. DD's sis is expecting and is due around that time. I hope I don't get stuck at home because of that. Though they were happy to go gallavanting about when they came to see S so maybe that won't be an issue.
5. I will be dependent on his dad's car and driver. While I personally have no issue taking S in an auto I'm pretty sure DD's parents are not going to be happy about it. S might actually enjoy it because of all that ear deafening noise! I'm happy to drive but again there will only be one car . Sigh. My parents will also have only one car. They've sold the second one which I used to borrow before. I won't be allowed to hire a cab either.
6. Since I'm now practically living with my parents I don't have the excuse that I did before of going and staying in DLF (my parents home) for extended periods of time. And they don't get that I am so close to my cousins and aunts and uncles. I don't think I have ever heard of any relative staying with them other than grand moms. And they really aren't that close. This is a major one.
7. I hope S keeps well.... which she should because she will be starting solids but only just a tiny bit and I will continue to feed her. But it's Delhi winter time.....!
8. Here in Singapore I can hand over S to the maid and get a break during the day. I don't think I can just plonk S on DD's mom and leave!! She doesn't keep well and I don't think she can carry S around really. Plus his sister's baby will be born so she will have her hands full already. Which means S stuck to me 24*7 which isn't a short term issue but a long term one because it will become a problem when I come back.
9. Whenever S cries I am going to be under the microscope. I rarely walk around with her when she cries and I'm pretty sure that if I do the same over there they are going to think I am shit and will keep telling me to pick her up.
10. This is so petty but I am going to have to wash her clothes. I know this sounds really spoilt but I hate washing clothes by hand. It's so boooring. They do have a washing machine but I need to wash her clothes separately because of the detergent and there's no point running the machine for such a small load.
11. S will pick up bad habits....E.g. I put her down to sleep while she's awake. Sometimes she cries as a result but I usually don't cave in. If she starts getting rocked to sleep then it's going to be a pain to change the habit later. She will be sleeping in my bed there which means when she comes back she may not want to sleep in her crib again.

OK. All of the above sounds very petty but the fact is I am thinking about all of this. So, no point denying that I am petty...... And the useless individual that you are, you won't be around for most of my trip. Boo hoooooo.


This only shows me in a bad light but hey no one's perfect. My in laws are actually very sweet. They've recently renovated the house so that when we go S and I will be comfortable. My MIL has a chronic back problem but she will still be emptying cupboards and cleaning rooms to keep everything ready for us. And all I can worry about is the lack of food to my liking and inability to visit my family as often as I would like to. To be fair to them in all my previous visits they've always encouraged me to spend time with my family but I've always felt guilty.

I know they're looking forward to spending time with S and I want them to have that pleasure and yet I want to have fun too. By meeting my friends and family, shopping without feeling guilty that I'm burning their son's hard earned money (which I will be!), just being able to relax without always having to be nice (coz I can't really show them my real self can I, they would just faint and we don't want that). Oh God, I am so selfish...... please give me the sense to become a little less selfish.

And DD if you're reading this then kindly refrain from the following sarcastic comment, "You can do whatever you want. You don't have to spend time with my parents... blah blah blah". Because the fact is I do want to be nice and for them to have fun and at the same time I want to do my own stuff. God, I'm repeating myself now.........


Malavika said...

I identify with almost every point..except the one about handwashing clothes..oddly enough, I like washing's strangely relaxing. Oh, wait a minute - it's going to be winter. Scratch that. My hands and feet are practically frostbitten anyway each winter. Which reminds me that the night feeds are going to be interesting. Particularly if the brat keeps up the last 3 days' pattern of getting up every 1.5 hours.
On the transport issue - instead of taking a khataara yellow/black cab, try occasionally renting an Indica with a driver for 4/8 hours - that works out better.

Suki said...

Ach, woman, I feel for you. In the end, no matter how close you are, in-laws aren't parents, are they now? (Nine months of almost daily lounging at the Baby's place has taught me that.)

I guess the lack of freedom to solve your problems and lessen your work is hurting more than the actual workload of taking care of Squiggles, innit?
Would talking to DD about some things - like hiring a temporary ayah(you have lots of agencies in Kolkata... maybe some in Delhi too?), getting him to tell his parents you might want to hire a car and travel with just Squiggles etc - help a bit? It's usually useful to let the beloved son mediate between his wife and parents! :P

And why can't DD make it? Work? :(

aryan's mom said...

I just happened to visit. Squiggles is looking so cute so cute..

The article is very interesting. I am glad you expressed it and you are not bothering much if DD sees it...good I really appreciate.
Try to get DD along with you so that you can express your feelingd to him, when you are annoyed.

Anonymous said...

You could always get a travel cot for the baby. That's what I did the first time I went from Singapore to India with my baby. After that, I left it there and used it each time I went back. You could probably get them in Delhi too. Folded, they take up very little space, so storing them isn't a problem.

Squiggles Mom said...

Mala - Oh dear, feeds every 1.5 hours.. maybe he's going through a growth spurt. Squiggles doesn't wake up but then she's not putting on any weight so that's a pain.

Aryan's mom - Oh I do express it to him usually :) but I hadn't gotten round to it this time. And I feel much more positive having got all that negativity out of the system. When I come back I can compare notes and prove how unnecessary my concerns were.

Suki - That is so true. I can do all that you're suggesting but I don't want to come across as Ms. Hoity Toity. I think they anyway think I'm quite spoilt which I'm not mind you, just that I see no reason to burn myself out on stuff that I don't need to. And DD always gets an earful, don't worry.

Anonymous - Hello! That's a great idea actually. I don't think I can carry it though because we'll only be allowed 20kgs between the 2 of us. But I will definitely buy onw. Dunno why I didn't think of that..hmph.

Poppins said...

These are all valid concerns girl, don't feel bad writing about it ! All the others have given you excellent suggestions, I have only one thing to add. Try not to be too uptight about doing things only one way with Squiggles. I know that's easier said than done esp with a baby as small as she is, but it's good for kids to get used to a variety of things. Even is she does get "used" to one thing, it's fine. She will get used to the old way once you get back, after a short adjustment period.

Think of it as a vacation for Squiggles as well and enjoy spoiling her, you'd be surprised at how much less stressful it will be!

I hope you don't take my advice amiss.

Parul said...

Oh please - I dont think you are being petty or selfish at bothers you, so it bothers you.

No new suggestions...the most practical ones have already been put up. Just hope you are able to counter everything and have a great time....! And just blame whatever goes wrong on DD. That normally works for me.

And for God's sake - its ok to run a separate cycle for S's clothes on the darned machine. Shop a little less (if you really have a hyper conscience) with the son's hard money and blow it on the electricity bill/wear and tear of said machine instead, aye?

Have fun and be sure to give all the goss!

Parul said...

Typo - DH, not case you're wondering...

mnamma said...

Squiggles Mom: Those are really valid concerns and you don't have to feel petty or foolish about it. Just keep your spirits high and your mind open and I am pretty sure you'll have a good time at your IL's place. Think of other possibilities - May be squiggles would get closer to her grand parents so she wouldn't cling on to you that much. And don't think too much about - you being under scrutiny because of Squiggle's crying. Most of the times, the things that we worry most - usually turn out to be nothing. So keep your spirits high and have fun.

Anitha(Nikki's mom) said...

I can relate to most of the things you have written. In another 5 weeks, I am going on vacation to India and will spend close to 2 months. I & Nikki will be there for the 1st 4 weeks before DH joins us for the last 3 weeks. I am going to India after 3 years, dying to see my sis, niece, dad, brother, all my cousins, aunts & uncles. We are a very close knit family, I have been missing everybody like hell. ILs house is only 10 kms from ours. It feels so awkward to be at ILs without DH. And I have a not-so-nice relationship with them, don't know how I am going to manage.

choxbox said...

This could have been me writing - just travel back to the time when n3 was chutku.

Guess what happened - everyone was super accomodating because of the baby and I got away with virtually everything! I actually felt terribly guilty after a point :)

Rachel said...

Gosh...and here i sit..thinking such thoughts just get into only my head..i have been in that position and came out of it real well..

Orchid said...

First time here, but you do make me nostalgic since I used to have these very thoughts everytime I amke my trip back home, don't chide yourself for these thoughts...just go and have some fun!

Sue said...

So depressing... it sounds like me contemplating a visit to my own parents!

Seriously though, I am all for the travel cot. Since The Bhablet is (and was) used to sleeping by himself, sharing a bed means (meant) him getting disturbed by my movements and waking up crying all night.

And for the rest, I am forced to agree with Poppins' Mom. I used to be very hyper about doing things only one way but then my parents showed that they can also come up with things that suit their grandson and I learnt to give in.

Anonymous said...

I'm sure you can get a travel cot in Delhi, since I bought mine in Mumbai. Actually, SQ usually lets you carry at least 30 kg if you check in early, but the first time we travelled to India, we were carrying two months worth of diapers (they weighed a ton!) and just asked my parents to locate the cot in Mumbai instead.

Mona said...

all practical suggestions have been made so you should be fine.
but hey, can't you hire someone in india to do squiggles laundry for you?
though, from personal experience from my last trip to india, they ruin baby clothes by pulling every which way under the pretense of washing it clean, but the cute baby clothes will never be the same.
i'd say, use the machine, guilt-free. you're on holiday, after all! i'm sure where it comes to the darling grandchild, the inlaws will say not a word!

Squiggles Mom said...

Poppins - You know that is such good advice. And no of course I didn't take it amiss. I've been thinking about what you said over the weekend and I think you're spot on. The more chilled out I am the more fun Squiggles and I and everybody around us will have. This is just what I needed.. some good old sense. Thank you :). it doesn't seem so bad all of a sudden!

Parul - Thanks for the vote for the machine. And BTW the hyper conscience doesn't stop me from spending :). And of course I blame everything on DD, as if I need to be told *wink*

Mnamma - You're right. I just need to be a bit more relaxed and yes maybe she won't cling and I will have loads of willing baby sitters. She already seems less clingy this weekend :).

Anitha - Hi! I'm not in any state to give advice but read what Poppins and Mnamma have to say. They make a lot of sense. The more we worry the bigger state we will be in. Try to relax, I know I'm going to try.

Squiggles Mom said...

choxbox - Good to know that my fears will prove to be unnecessary :). I can see myself doing a post in the new year telling you all that I had loads of fun :).

Rachel - I'm glad I'm not the only one too! *very relieved*

Orchid - Hey Welcome! Thank you for all the encouragement :).

Anonymous - That's helpful to know. I'm flying Jet so I hope they're as accomodating as SQ.

Mona - I think I'm better off washing her clothes myself. You're right, the maids are usually extra vigorous!

Fuzzylogic said...

All your concerns are very valid and being first time moms is no fun ride as everyone of us can vouch. I fretted almost about the similar reasons and drove myself crazy when I went with Ina to India the first time. But once you got there we never realized how time flew and she enjoyed the most being with her dotting grandparents and infact the whole neighborhood. I hardly had to worry about not getting time because there were always someone picking her up for me. Regarding her clothes though if there is no maid around try to insist on the washing machine. Don't worry about the sleep concerns. I was very sure Ina will never sleep again back in the crib after sleeping with us there. But kids surprise you. She took back to her crib just as before soon after the jetlag. Just keep little squiggles warm and have fun. As poppins mom rightly said just go with the flow.

karmickids said...

Dont you worry. Run a separate cycle on the washing machine. You owe it to Squiggles to give the kid a chance to bond with the grandparents. And have a great time....

Anonymous said...

Everyone should see this.. Enjoyy!

ddmom said...

I am late here.. Hope you are having a wonderful time :)

the mad momma said...

mommy concerns are rarely petty. i have an extra travel cot you could borrow. you'll have to pick it up from my place. but that also means we'll get to catch up. have fun!

Squiggles Mom said...

Fuzzylogic - You give me hope! I am chilled out now :).

Karmickids - That is what I want as well. I have such wonderful memories with my grandparents that I think she deserves her too. Every child has the right to be pampered.

ddmom - I'm still here :)

MM - That's really sweet MM. Thank you. And I just might take you up on that :).

Just Like That said...

LOL SMom, you're far from petty. Or if you are, I am too!
Except for the handwashing bit.Somehow tho' my inlaws have been quite ok till date( they stay in Kerala and me in Karnataka!) I never look forward to going to my Hub's home.
And this is more post Sonny boy's birht. SOmehow tho' tho' I do want him to enjoy his grandparents, it never feels like MY home to me.
will be back with a comment later.

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